Isnt it funny how after 9 months of pregnancy and a few months afterward, we start answering to the word "MOM"?! How did that child know to call me "Mom" and not Shana in the first place?!
Over the past 2 months, really after Hyde was born. I had been looking at other prego women reminissing about the births of my 2 boys that are continuisly by my side, and tearing up at the thought that I am no longer pregnant! After all of the excitement over looking at a positive pregnancy test and spending the next 8 months great with child, I am finding myself "missing" incredibly the entire experience of bringing a child into this world. Although I relish in the fact that I get to kiss and cuddle my babes all day long, something or someone else I should say is still missing.
I was talking to Nate a few weeks back about these feelings I have been having and he told me that it would be very hard hormonally to go 9 months carrying this baby, to one day no longer feeling all the movements within you! I cant describe the emotions that go along with being a "Mother"!
Only 2 weeks ago I had my post pardom visit with my Dr. Part of that routine is to ask if I have had any problems with post pardom depression or "baby blues". I have never experienced that with either of my pregnancies, however, I did decide to tell her my feelings on feeling the loss of no longer being pregnant! I really really miss it. She being a member of the church, sat and talked to me for a long while about the "PULL" from Heaven, saying that this feeling I have been experiencing is that pull from the other side saying that I am not finished bringing children into this world yet! She told me that when she knew she was finished, she no longer had those feelings.
I knew that I was not yet finished, I have always wanted a larger family of my own, but I am not so ready for another one just yet, I mean I just had a baby 11 weeks ago! I have never felt this PULL so strongly.. This little spirit will just have to wait a little longer, maybe try again in 16 more months! I really love answering to "Mom" I adore being able to bring children into this world and Love raising them. I am very thankful for Motherhood!
So to all of those prego women out there, I am jealous..
shana. you are so darling. what a sweet post! and what a great way for your doctor to put things too - i love the idea of heaven's spirits pulling on you! hope you guys are well!
ReplyDeleteOhhh, I LOVED this! I SO know exactly how you feel! I wish we lived closer and could get together and chat about this very thing because if I wrote it all out on here, it would be a novel (it probably will be anyway :). SO I'll summerize-I felt exactly like this with all of my children. After my baby's were a few months old, I would have a longing to be pregnant again, to bring another baby into the world. I totally remember the feeling that someone was "missing". That is part of the reason why my children are all so close in age! We would pray about it and go to the temple, and really feel like it was the right thing to do. After my 4th child, when I was diagnosed with my auto-immune disease, we knew it would be really difficult for me to be pregnant, so I thought I'd try once more, and it was incredibly hard! (As I'm sure you noticed through all my complaining on my blog :) We had felt that Magnus would be our last, and this time around, I have not felt that longing whatsoever! I have felt somewhat sad knowing I won't be pregnant again, but it's not a feeling like I need to have another baby. It's just knowing I won't get to have another.... which makes me sad, but a little relieved at the same time :) Isn't being a mom the greatest?! Your boys are some of the luckiest in the world to have you, you are AMAZING! Love ya girl.
ReplyDeleteYou are cute and this is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad that other people have that same feeling. My baby is only 5 weeks old and I've been having that exact feeling and been thinking I'm nuts for feeling that way especially cause my baby is still a baby! Thank you for sharing your feelings.
ReplyDeleteShana, you are so cute. We were so sad not to meet up with you guys while Keith was here, but when he comes for the baby we'll HAVE to get together. We sure love you guys and would love to meet cute litte Hyde. (I of coarse will need some good advice on life with 2 kids!) I didn't know Dr. Brown was a memeber, that is so fun! -ann and keith
ReplyDeletethis is a great post girly~ and i definitely know the feeling..you are so darling~
ReplyDeleteI don't remember feeling that way after I had Jaxon - I hope that doesn't mean I am not going to have any more kids. I feel it every now and again though. I love being his mom but he is such a handful that I think it scares me to think of having another one in the near future. Before we had Jaxon I wanted to be pregnant with my second child NO LATER then when my first was 18 months. Well that has come and gone haha...so who knows what will happen.
ReplyDeleteOh and don't get me wrong - I LOVED being pregnant and bringing Jaxon into the world, I just didn't feel that really strong PULL for another one - I hope that's not bad - does that make me a bad mom????
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree with you that you are not done. You are such a great mommy any little baby would be LUCKY to have you as a MOM!
ReplyDeleteI love this post. So here's my little story...I remember all growing up I would sometimes feel like I was missing someone. I'd feel really melancholy just for no reason and feel like my heart wasn't whole. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Colin I have never felt that way since. I always thought I'd have more kids and the time was never right while Chris was alive and I am grateful I listened to what was right for us. I now "hope" for more kids but I know I will be totally fulfilled just being Colin's mom.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post, I have to agree with you about the nagging feeling that your not done yet. I am so glad that I am not the only one! It makes you feel so grateful to have the gospel and to be able to acknowledge those feelings and appreciate how truly thin the veil really is!
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